overpopulation-Write+your++paragraph+here+that+you+want+Margo+to+correct

=** Hi Guys! Here are your corrections. Please take a moment and let me know if this was helpful and let me know any suggestions of what I could do in the future that would help even more. You can just type in your comments at the bottom of your paragraph. Thanks for being so great and sharing your writing!!!! ** =

MARGO HERE--> THOSE SENTENCES THAT ARE UNDERLINED ARE GRAMMATICALLY CORRECT, HAVE ALL THE ARTICLES NEEDED, THE SENTENCE MAKES SENSE AND THE VERBS ARE IN THE RIGHT TENSE.

Overpopulation-write you paragraph here that you want Margo to correct.

This is Ali Alsagoor

Each country has a government responsible for their business. The government is officials to make laws and regulation. They can reduce overpopulation problem. For example, they maybe make rules for that like person can not married more than on woman. Government can arrange the better things for their society. Also government must provide jobs for population. By the time, overpopulation will solve by officials people has been working everyday to prevent this problem. There are many ways to create jobs for people like workers, teachers, even cleaning cars on the streets at less they have jobs. I'll not sitting at home waiting for a job. The third solution is putting limits to reduce overpopulation. This solution is very difficult for society but It might be useful to solve this kind of problems.

Here is a re-write; Governments can arrange to make a better society. Every country has a form of government and that government should create laws and regulations for the good of its people. Since overpopulation is a serious problem for society, these laws should effectively reduce our overpopulation problem. For example, there may be a law that prohibits any man from marrying more than one wife.(I'm not sure this is the best logic, however. One man having more than one wife may or maynot reduce the population rate for the country. Your next sentence has to do with jobs. First, you need a bridge between rules that regulate a man marrying more than one wife and jobs. Also, you have to make the connection between jobs and overpopulation. It will not be immediately obvious. You could write; 'One reason why overpopulation is a problem is because with too many people, there will not be enough jobs in the future and jobs are necessary for our survival'. Then you go on to talk about different solutions for finding a job-but this is way off the topic and should be in another paragraph other than this paragraph. This paragraph is only about the problems of overpopulation-not the solutions.)

This is HANNA, here is my paragraph ^^

The most important way to resolve this program (problem) is to reduce the (no-the) consumtion. The needs (The need) to save the earth are (will take effort) effort of (from) everyone on the earth. People should think of this problems(problem) and try to reduce using airconditionl and individual automobile. Too many people use disposable things and #|electronics (this) causing(causes) pollutinn without any concern about the earth (Are you saying that many people use products that they throw away and this causes too much waste, or are you saying that overpopulation causes a build up of waste?). People do not care of(about) pollution because they don't know how serious those problems (are). Government(s) should let people know these problems and suggest (to) them (how) to reduce their consumption. On the other hand, many experts should find alternative resourese. Many scientists in(Xin) all over the world are trying to develop alternative energy sources. Also they are investing (in finding) new foods resources (sources). For example, solar energy is not limited. If we develop alternative energy, we dont need more limited energy sources (resources). And there is other(another) way to save the earth (and that is to limit the amount of babies a family can have) It is limiting to have babies. In china, actually(no-actually) (the) government prohibit(s) (families from having) to have many babies in one family. They inhibit increaseing (the) population in their country.

Hi Hanna, (The notes below are written to Hanna, but it applies to most all of the L106 writers.) *-->You have some good grammatical sentences in your paragraph above with some minor problems in word choice, use of articles and plural nouns. However, many of your sentences seem to go off-topic. Going away from your essay's main subject and/or from your paragraph's topic sentence is considered a 'serious essay writing error'. Your instructors will pick this up right away when they read your writing. That is why your English essay teachers will stress that you should pay close attention to your outline and make sure all your points support your topic sentence and main idea. This is not an easy thing to do (!) for most of us and this needs careful attention before you begin to write (A few people naturally think very logically, but for the majority of us, this does not come naturally, so it takes work and real thinking. So you have to be especially careful with this as you get into your upper levels.) For instance, finding and using alternative natural resources is not the given topic. Sure, resources are related, but you can have all the renewable energy in the world and still have a problem with overpopulation of people. Even with more energy, overpopulation can and will cause ever more crowded conditions, increased diseases, air and water polution etc. The problem to focus on is describing what it is like to have overpopulation and in the second paragraph how to solve this devastating problem ( finding more renewable resources will NOT solve overpopulation). *--> I just read and corrected Yang Yang's paragraph, below. He uses very much the same arguments you have. However, he ties in the different topics: He gives China as an example of a country that has an overpopulation problem. The reason, he states, it is a problem is because overpopulation causes a depleation of natural resources, deforestation, and a decrease in good jobs. Here we can see the cause and effect clearly, so now bringing in these different topics works. *-->Here is a re-write of what you have above, but remember it is off-topic and would not be acceptable in any case. But for the sake of grammar and word choice corrections, here it is: Too many people use non-disposable resources and in order to reduce this waste, we need to reduce our consumption of non-disposable and disposable resources. To save our earth from being overcome with our waste products, there needs to be a concerted effort made by everyone on the planet.(The next sentence is a change again from waste products to energy sources-two different subjects. This means we either need a new paragraph or a trasitional sentence(s) or some trasitional words) Reducing our dependency on energy sources such as the over use of air conditioning and the over use of driving individual automobiles, will go a long way to conserve our limited resources. Fortunately, many scientists and businesses are developing and investing in alternative energy resources. One promising development is in the area of harnessing and using renewable energy such as using more solor power. If we can begin to use this renewable energy, we will not have to rely as heavily on our limited natural resources. (In your next sentences you switch topics again. This time to overpopulation. So the next sentences should be in another parargraph or another essay.) Our planet must reduce its overall population. Some countries, such as in China, the government is making significant inroads in solving this problem. The government has prohibited families from having more than one child. Without this measure, China... *-->An exercise you can do to help you improve, is to transfer most of your listening and reading time to more academic subjects on the internet, radio, itunes etc. Listen to pod-cast university lectures while you do the dishes, for instance. You want to keep up your social network, but your friends and family will understand if you bury yourself a bit in English academia. Let them know what you are doing and you are doing this for a limited time. This is a suggestion I have learned and my students tell me this works. I did this while I was writing papers for my degree. There is a 'music' or repeated phrasing, if you will, to the way academic writing sounds and 'thinks' and it takes lots and lots of repeated listening to catch on to it. Now, at L106/107, much of your time that you regularly use in speaking English is not the type of English you will need for your university level essay writing. Many of my students THINK that if they are using English, then this is adaquate for academic Englsh essay writing. Just using everyday foreign-English-speak is certainly not enough at this stage to get you prepared for native English writing university work. If you were to actually 'clock' this time that 'you' spend listening and reading academic work, you might find 'you' are doing this type of listening less than you think! This advice applies to most all of us!

This is Yang Yang Hi Yang Yang, I wish I could color the corrections in red, but this takes too much time in Wikispaces; sorry. Do(Did) you know that China is the world's lagest(largest) and most crowded country (in the world)? The population of China started to grew(grow) tremendously after (the) second world war(World War) in 1949. For now there are over 1.3 billion of(no-of) people living in China. __The overpopulation problem in China is very serious__. Because it (Be careful using 'it'. 'It" could be 'China' or 'overpopulation'. In essay writing, it is often better to repeat the subject or what you are referring to, than leave this unclear or left out.) affects(negatively impacts) the environment, (and decreases) natural resources and employment opportunities. The first affect(negaive impact) is environment(al) pollution. To support a large population, people have to kill animal(s) [Killing animals is not immediately evident that this causes environmental pollution, which is what you are suggesting from the previous sentence. If you are making a big change like this, then you need transitional sentence(s) and/or transitional words or phrases.]or cut down the forest every year (and dangerous de-forestation). This makes the(no-the) nature lose its balance and influence our air condition ('air condition(er)' is an appliance in the house. I'm unclear what your meaning is). We will get sick easier than before (People will become more susestible to disease). The second effect (You need to write out what you are referring to again, because your reader always needs this kind of extra help-'The second negaive impact to overpopulation is an over use and eventual disappearance of non-renewable natural resources.') is natural resoures and energy resoures. As we all know ('As we all know' is not necessary and is not used in formal essay writing. Leave out these kinds of phrases. Just start your senence with "These kinds of resources are finite.") these kind of resoures are finite. If we loveruse (lower our waste products) or waste these resoures, One (one) day It must be (they will be) exhausted. These kind of resoures can not be produced such as fosil fuel, natural gas and oil (The over use of fosil(fossil) fuels, natural gas and oil consumption is dangerous because they are not renewable resources). The third effect (The third negative impact to the overpopulation problem is the decrease of employment opportunities) is employment opportunities. Because of the large population in China (sentence fragment!). The competition of job(s) is really cruel. Many people can not #|find a job, even if they have graduated from a University (Many people may not be be able to find viable employment, even if they hold a university degree). This result (This will directly result in an increase in the crime rate) in increasing crime rate straightly. You can not imagine that many people who can not #|find a job become a crimial. They have no choice in order to live they have to steal money (or) even roob(rob a bank) the bank. If you live (lived) in the (a) city which is(was) full of criminal (criminal activity), would you feel safe and comfortable? We can see the (no-the) overpopulation is (a) really(very) serious problem (.) and(no-and! This is now a new subject!) China has suffered from the(this) problem for a long time. In order to slove(solve) the (this) problem, The (the) chinese(Chinese) government released a special policy which is (the) " one-child policy" (and this has been in effect) since 1980. *--> Overall, your organization and arguments are relatively clear. You need to repeat your subjects/object nouns in the next sentence. Often your reader in an essay gets confused with who/what 'it' is or 'they' are when you are referring to a previous reference. I have corrected you on this on your previous essays. I haven't seen your improvement yet in this particular area, so watch out for this. Be over cautious, rather than under cautious in this area. You should 'Spell Check' before you copy paste or write anything (period!). I have to do this and you have to do this too. Another thing you need to watch for is your use of 'casual-informal-speak' in more formal essay writing. Student essay writing is preparing you for your dissertation writing in the future and your important 'voice' as a fully fledged adult with experience. You are learning to write with authority. If what you are writing is common knowledge, make it a statement. For example; Instead of writing "Everyone knows that China has an overpopulation problem", write instead; "China has an overpopulation problem.." or "China's overpopulation problem is...." *-->Many of your problems here are very common for all of L106, so I hope the other students read your otherwise good essay and notice my corrections. This is not like a grammar class, where you have a correct sentence or an incorrect sentence. I think of an essay as a piece of art work or a project; like a presentation. There is always more to learn and add.

This is Anna Today, there are 6 billion people on the Earth, and it (this number) will grows(no-s) to 9 billion people, quickly. As we know (leave out; 'as you know'), the Earth can only efford(sustain) 1 billion people,(no-,)(and this means we now have...) it means now we have serious overpopulation problem. Overppulation started with the industrial revolution, and highly technology and medical make it grown fast. And why is overpopulation a bad thing for the world? For example, water is neccessary in human's life, but overpopulation makes the result wich is we only have 2.5 percent fresh water in the world right now. And in this modern world, energy source plays an important role in transportation, we can't live without it; because of overpopulation, we are going to run out of energy sources now. More people need more transportation, more food, more products, more industrial factories, more pollution..., to combine these results, overpopulation is such a big problem and the other unignorable problem is, we need more space. We will all be affected by overpopulation. There are three most serious promlems about overpopulation: more needy in our life, not enough energy sources and space, the Earth might be destroyed. Here is a rewrite. Today, there are over six billion people on earth and this number continues to grow. In fact, this number will become nine billion in less than 20 years. Many scientists point out that the earth can only sustain one billion people. This means we have a serious overpopulation problem. Overpopulation began during the turn of the century with the industrial revolution and subsequent medical breakthroughs. This has meant that more people live longer and have less chance of dying from disease. These populations, moreover, have since grown to gigantic proportions. The distribution of population, however, has not been the same for all countries. Hence, many people from countries that appear to have lower populations, wonder why a high population growth is such a serious problem for the world. The reasons are because we are using up valuable un-renewable natural energy resources, there is increased pollution and waste and we are running out of available space. With billions more people there is an enormous need for more nonrenewable energy, more space for food production, more products creating more waste and more pollution. For example, in the area of pollution alone, our fresh water supplies are at risk. Today only 2.5 percent of our water supply is fresh water.

I 'm Amaitrie, here is my paragrah can you give advice please. (I'm assuming this is a second paragraph Solution paragraph because you write more about solutions than problems) .The answer lies in education (This is a solution and belongs in the Solution Body paragraph. Are you giving three solutions? This sounds like you are offering only one single solution for the whole problem of overpopulation.). Humans are (a) very young species (Presumably, this is giving background information at the beginning of your Solution paragraph. However, you are introducing a whole new idea that is different from the previous sentence about education. You make no transition and no development of the idea of education first before switching your subject matter. Also, I'm not so sure adding the historical perspective of why we became overpopulated is useful here, especially since it doesn't add to your argument of why education is such an important solution. I think you are giving a justification as to why overpopulation has not been solved already, but that might come in another essay where you have more time to explore this idea). We have been here for only a short time. We are like a child just learning to walk. With so many of us on a very small planet, and with the addition of so many more every week, we can no longer continue to relate to each other (?), our environment (What do you mean "be relate to the environment" here? I'm not sure what you are trying to say, but this sounds like it might belong in the first Introductory/Problem paragraph) ), ecological system and biosphere as we will succumb to the effects oh (of) human overpopulation . There is no alternative (but to solve this problem) i f we wish to sustain humanity and advance our civilization (This might be a good opening topic sentence for your Solution paragraph and would be the beginning sentence). Governement can make the rules into family exampl in China one family one child, the case can result the problem overpopulation (In the Solution paragraph: Governments worldwide can step in, such as China's government has, and mandate a one child per family policy). Encourage everyone about the development of business (Is developing business a good solution?-Why?), and adviced that young people (and advice young people that they should delay their marriage age) should spend time or nother thing and wait still their are older to get married. Amaitrie, I'm not sure if the above paragraph is in your Introduction/Problem paragraph or your second Solution paragraph. Your arguments seem confused and go back and forth, so rewritng your paragraph makes it difficult for me. I'd need to see your outline. Here is a little bit of a rewrite. This would be your first sentence in your second **__Solution__** paragraph; *There is no alternative but to solve our global overpopulation problem if we wish to sustain humanity and advance our civilization. Our main solution lies in education. To solve our overpopulations problems, young people should be advised and educated to delay their marriage age as well as given instruction on birth control methods. Delaying their marriage age would ....(more development). Another solution is utilizing more governmental regulation. Governments worldwide can step in, such as China's government has, and mandate a one child per family policy (more development of this example).

This is Roger Overpopulation is (a) current social phenomenon ('Phenomenon' is a single noun, so it will need an article. However the dictionary's definition of 'phenomenon' is "a remarkable person, thing or event" so this carries with it a possitive overtone. 'Remarkable' is usually a good thing. Since we are arguing that overpopulation is a problem, then you might use another word here),(space!)it shows that numbers exceed the carrying of habitat,(space!)it does not depends only on the size or density of the population,but also depends on the way resources are used and distributed throughout the population.(two spaces!)Overpopulation can directly result from an increase in births,(space!)and a decline in mortality rates,(space!)the main problem is food or water shortage.(two spaces!)If there is not enough food to feed people in a specific place,(space!)then there is food shortage in that place.so how should we cope with these problem?(two spaces and a capital in the next sentence)there have a serial of problems need to us resolved. Roger, you don't have proper spaces after your commas and after your periods. This is a very basic important formatting rule! You must learn this and use this all the time. You are going into L107 and this is something you should have mastered in L104 (I see this mistake frequently, so you are not alone in making this mistake!). After a comma or semicolon, there is one space. After a period, there are two spaces. There is an indentation with the first sentence in a new paragraph. It is 5 spaces, generally (In this Wikispace formatting, it doesn't allow the first sentence spaces, unfortunately). With your paragraph above: It is difficult to understand your meaning sometimes in this paragraph, but I will do my best;

Overpopulation is a serious problem today. A country is overpopulated when its populations exceed a country's available resources and space. Since the numbers of any overpopulation is exponentially increasing today, this takes a heavy toll on non-renewable resources, living space and having enough food supplies.

This is Meshari, here is my paragraph, Many countrys have overpopulation (In many countries today, there is an overpopulation of people). In my country we don't have overpopulation in small city, just we have it in the capital city (However, in my country of Saudi Arabia, we find it difficult to relate to this problem because we generally have very big families and yet we have a surplus of space and renewable resources, so this problem is not immediately apparent in my country). The capital city have many people because they will not #|find a good job in anther city (With that being said, Saudi Arabia does have some big very crowded cities that seem to get larger every year. Frequently young people move to these big cities and this decreases the availability of good jobs every year). Everyone want to get money. If i don't have a good job how i can get mireed our get children (These jobs provide the means to get married, have children and have bright futures for our young people). There are maney (This sentence doesn't belong here. It belongs in the Solution paragraph: In order to find a solution to this problem, many countries have mandated the number of children a family can have) countrys stop get children. Also, the teacher stop teaching because they don't have students (This sounds doesn't sound like you are showing that overpopulation is a bad thing, but rather a good thing. If you are going to include an argument for the other side, you need transitions You might say; 'Whereas some people might argue for larger populations because schools will continue to flourish and teachers will continue to have ever larger numbers of students to teach, this willl eventually have to come to an end at some point. Overpopulations of students can also bring less accountability for each student, a lower quality of education and increased crime, such as we see in large institutional schools today) So, they don't have anything to eat (and) they are very poor.(space!)Also, the animls (as far as animals are concerned,) if the(no-the) people don't have food how can they give the (no-the) animls food. If we are poor why we get children (?) (Another argument against overpopulation is our constant threat of having enough food to feed all the people and the animals of the world). (This sentence will need more development in the paragraph). There are three possible solution(s), the company (companies) shouldn't give more job(s), people should change the city (move to another less populated city) and the(no-the) people should move to anther (another less populated) country (There are three possible solutions to our overpopulation problem, such having redistributions of populations, businesses taking a larger role in offering business in other countries and a relaxation of immigration policies).

This is Ahmed Alaqeel ..

Do you know that six billion people are in the world ? It is a huge number. Also it will be more and more in a future. This is a big problem. Because we don't have enough spaces for them to live. For example China, it has one billion people. a lot of them are home less, and work less. That is mean if we have many people, we wan't have job , energy , and food enough for all people. The scientists said the world can support only one billion at m aximum. So now we don't have enough energy for all people. And it will finish soon. The scientists now are looking for a new energy like : solar energy. Because it is p ermanent energy, and it will be enough for all people. Also food and water will finish soon. Now we don't have much natural water. All water is from ocean. The three most commonly proposed solution to this over population problem are : find another energy sources, control the population of the countries , and make many places for people to work (no space between the end of the word and the period). Here is a re-write: Did you know that there are over six billion people living in the world today? This is a huge number and it is why we call this problem an overpopulation problem. And this number is exponentially increasing, which makes this problem increasingly urgent. Scientists today are claiming that our earth is only equipped to handle a maximum of one billion people. Having so many people puts a terrible load on our non-renewable resources. 'Non-renewable resources' means that these energy sources will eventually run out. Another serious problem with having overpopulation is not having enough space to live. There is limited space on our planet and many people do not have the means to buy a proper space to live today. Also, with limited land, there is the serious problem of not having enough fertile fields in which to grow healthy food. Compounded our overpopulation problem is our world wide lack of fresh clean water supplies, which is necessary to sustain all life.

Margo here-->Below is a sample from the Final Writing exam. The first paragraph is what the student wrote about the problems of living in diversity, the second paragraph is my re-write. The underlined sentences are those sentences which are correct. __In most cases, many young people prefer to live in their own country__. they have their different life style, they prefer to live together with them As different cultrahl background. Due to a wide variety of reasons, their behavior, ideal, even their action have restrained from their country. some people always get used to meet with native friends. they feel comfortable because they can easily to undestand what they want to do. Especially language that can help them to get more release. However, if you live in another country, you can feel difference a lot. __For instance, living with an American family is somewhat different from the way I live in my country. My host family is one of the__ __most traditionally minded American people I met during my stay. Apart from providing me with a family environment, the program aims to offer the precious chance to learn and practice English.(__ This sentence sounds memorized and copied) __.__ However in my country, I have never seen that I can not feel about English study automosphere. One reason is language in differences, different racially and ethnically diverse from country even sometimes I’m easily to misunderstand their means in other language, so __how should we solve this problem__. we need solve their prolem further research. __The first solution is language__. __For example, I went to the library and I asked one of the OCU students a question, which I didn’t understand. Then I thanked her for it__. …

Re-write below Many people prefer to live in their own country. They are naturally more comfortable and familiar with their own culture. They share a history and background with their fellow citizens and they naturally and easily understand one another. Their shared language is especially important because they can fully express themselves. However, for a variety of reasons, they may need to move and meet people from another country. When they make this move, they will invariably feel the strong effects of living in another culture. For example, I have moved from China to America and I live with another family, called a' host family'. My host family are quite traditionally American in their practices and language accent and I frequently don’t understand what they are saying to me and they frequently misunderstand me! This leads to many awkward moments. Yesterday, for instance, my host Mom asked me to bring her my laundry and I thought she said ‘Bring me your dinner!’ Despite these many problems, however, there are three solutions; _, _, and___.